Rant ;)

There are things I'd love to say to people, but for the sake of peace, I don't.  Yes, I left my hometown...yes, my boys are still there...yes, my mom is there...as is the rest of the family.  BUT..... my boys are adults who are living on their own, my mom is doing ok since her stroke and as for my brothers...well, they never had much time for me anyway.  My life long friends don't contact me....a quick text here and there...but thats it.  But to be truthful, that's nothing new.  I'm not saying they don't care..its more of the out of sight, out of mind. But, once again, I am the bad guy.  That, too, is nothing new.

Here's what I don't understand.  I'm happy.  There...I said it.  For the first time, in a very long time, I am happy.  People back home don't know all the details of my life....which I have no trouble sharing, if they would actually want to know them.  But, I am happy...and for some odd reason that seems to be a problem. I have spent the majority of my life doing things for others....and I loved it.  I spent every waking moment with my kids when they were little.....their dad either worked and/or didn't give a crap about them.  I came back home with the kids and kept an eye on my mom.  My brother can't be bothered.  Even after my divorce, I did everything with the kids.  I had to let my kids live with an abusive sex offender even if they didn't want to be with him...but none of us had any choice.  And...through all that.....I am the bad guy.  I am a horrible person for wanting to live my own life.  One son just wants money, the other is pretty much ok with me, but doesn't talk to me too much.  To be fair, I don't want to bother anyone if they don't want to hear from me....which I should just get over, I know.

My birthday was 3 days ago....thank the Lord my kids remembered.  I at least got a happy birthday from the 3 of them.  My daughter is just fine with me and we talk.  She moved out before I left, so she's not an issue.  But, I didn't hear from my mom or my brother.  Now, that hurts.  I can deal with a FB post from him or a phone message from mom if she called when I was working.  Unless, of course...there is a card in my mailbox right now, but I'm not holding my breath.

So, the bottom line is this.......I am happy.  I have friends here who like me for me and not what I can do for them.  My dog likes me....I think...lol and I've got someone who loves me and takes care of me.  What else do I need?